


Welcome to the Inferno

by CJCroen1393



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Pirate, F/M, Gen, Kidnapping, except Gluttony, the homunculi are human
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-18
Updated: 2014-11-15
Packaged: 2018-02-21 14:32:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2471681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CJCroen1393/pseuds/CJCroen1393
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU; the Homunculi are human pirates and Ling is childhood friends with the Elrics and Winry.</p><p>The Elric brothers and their friends discover a map in Pinako's attic and decide to follow it to a treasure hidden away by Van Hohenheim. But Hohenheim's old colleague Dante hears about it and decides to take the map for herself and her crew. Along with the boys and their friends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Welcome Aboard

**Author's Note:**

> HEY GUYS! Long time no see!
> 
> Sooo...I've just recently finished the 2003 FMA anime and OMGITISAWWWWWWESOME!!!!! :D
> 
> So, this has been brewing in my head after watching a YouTube video involving anime boys and pirates. So...while I'm still into it, I decided to write this! It's massively AU, with Ling being one of the Elric's childhood friends (because Ling makes everything better. Mmm, Ling...) and the mayor's son rather than a prince, Dante as a traveling alchemist turned pirate, the "human transmutation" thing never happened, the Homunculi as humans (except Gluttony, who is...well, you'll see ;P), etc, so if that bothers you then you don't have to read it.
> 
> I'm not sure how much I'm gonna be able to work on this, but I hope I can finish it! Wish me luck! I don't think I'll make it particularly long anyway.
> 
> Now enough of my rambling, on with the show!

"Are you sure no one is listening to us, brother?" Alphonse Elric said, glancing around nervously. He, his brother Edward, and their friends Winry Rockbell and Ling Yao were all sitting at a table in a restaurant in their town of Resembool. Ed was holding a large rolled up piece of paper, Winry was seated next to him looking at the paper suspiciously and Ling, the mayor's son, was stuffing his face with the free bread that was given as an appetizer.

"There's barely anyone here, Al!" said Edward, grinning like a Cheshire Cat, "Relax! Okay, so I'm sure you guys know why you're here."

Winry looked at him with an accusatory face. "It has to do with that map, doesn't it?"

"Yes," said Alphonse, looking a little bit guilty, "the one we found in Pinako's attic."

"Hohenheim's treasure map!" sneered Edward.

"Can't you call him 'dad'?" asked Alphonse.

"No." said Ed, bluntly.

"Grandma said that the map was off limits!" said Winry, indignantly, "She said that it would be too dangerous to go looking for your dad's 'treasure' and that you might not even like what you find!"

"Well, Aunt Pinako will be eating her words when she realizes that we found the treasure!" said Edward, "With your share, you'll be able to put Rockbell Automail on the map!"

Winry paused for a second; the mental image of her and Pinako in charge of a big automail shop in Resembool...with people flocking from far and wide to buy their selection, to see their beautiful handiwork...the Rockbell family could have as much notoriety as Rush Valley itself.

Winry smiled.

"Well," she said, "I gotta admit, that sounds pretty cool!"

"Yeah," said Ling, at last opening his mouth for a reason other than inserting food, "what can I do with my share?"

"Nothing," said Edward, "because you don't _get_ a share."

"What!?" said Ling, Winry and Al at once.

"But why?" asked Alphonse, "Ling is our friend too!"

"Yeah," said Edward, "and he's already super rich. Is more money really gonna make a difference for him?"

Winry and Alphonse sat there and thought about what Edward had just said.

"Yeah," said Winry, "he's right."

"Sorry, Ling." said Alphonse.

"WHAT!?" shouted Ling.

The other three friends laughed.

"Okay," said Edward, "here's the plan: We'll leave tomorrow morning and rent a boat. We'll leave a note telling Pinako that we went fishing and follow the map to the island the old man hid the treasure in. Simple!"

"Are you sure, brother?" asked Al, "It might be dangerous!"

"Calm down, Al!" said Edward, chuckling, "I'm sure it'll be fine."

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
"Are you sure that's the map we're looking for?"

"It must be; they said 'Hohenheim'. That's the name the captain is always mentioning."

"Awwk! Hohenheim! Awwk! Hohenheim!"

"Still, there's the issue of those boys and their friends..."

"Oh, I know how to deal with them."

"Awwk! Death! Death! Death!"

"No, my pet, he doesn't mean death. He knows that they won't be useful to us dead, isn't that right?"

"...Fine. Then I have another idea..."

"I'm all ears..."

"Awwk!"  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
That night, at dinner time, Ed was fantasizing about the treasure when Pinako smacked his hand with a spoon.

"Ed!" she scolded, "Would you please stop zoning out and eat your dinner? I didn't spend so much time cooking it so that you could just sit there staring off into space."

"Sorry, Aunt Pinako," chuckled Ed, picking up a spoon to eat the stew in front of him, "I just got a lot on my mind."

"Well, you might as well start eating, Ed, or else you won't get any taller."

Ed gave Pinako a death glare and Alphonse immediately grabbed his brother's hand.

"Please don't get mad, Ed." said Al, "She was just joking."

Pinako chuckled.

"Well then," she said, "who's up for seconds?"

"You don't have to ask me twice!" said Ling, holding up a bowl.

"None for you!" said Pinako, "You've already had three helpings! How the mayor is able to keep that bottomless pit that is your stomach full is beyond me, but in this house, we stop at the second helping!"

"Aww man..." groaned Ling as Ed, Al and Winry laughed.  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
"Is that their house?"

"Yeah, the mayor's kid is spending the night there."

"Does everyone know their place?"

"Kill, kill, kill!"

"As long as I get a cut of the treasure."

"Anything to get this over with..."

"Alright then...let's go."  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Ed jolted upright after hearing a loud crash downstairs.

"Brother?" 

Ed turned to see Al, looking at him with some fear in his eyes.

"Did you hear that too?" asked Ed.

"Yeah. What was it?"

"I don't know," said Ed, getting out of bed, "but I know how to find out!"

"Wait! Brother!"

"What?"

"Pants!"

"Huh?" Ed looked down, "Oh...right..."  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
One pair of pants later, Ed and Al headed downstairs with a candle. By that time, they both had started hearing screaming as well as crashes, which frightened them a little.

Downstairs, they saw two people; a man, with sharp facial features, a black vest with no shirt underneath, black trousers and boots made of leather. He had spiky black hair and dark glasses. Next to him was a tall woman with long wavy black hair that covered part of her face, black lipstick, pale skin and sharp, focused looking eyes. She was wearing a black dress with a white corset, high-heeled shoes and black opera gloves. She was curvy and voluptuous but there was something about her that was very unnerving; her malicious looking grin didn't seem to help.

"Who are you guys?" demanded Edward, "What are you doing in our friend's house?"

Suddenly a voice appeared behind him.

"We're just borrowing you and your friends for a bit! Nothing special!"

Ed and Al turned to see two figures behind them; one was a bit taller than the other, who looked to be Al's age. The first was a slender, androgynous looking person (Ed couldn't tell if it was a man or a woman, and the high-pitched, raspy voice wasn't helping) wearing a tattered, worn looking military uniform that looked a little too big for him(?). He(?) had long, spiky hair that, in the light of the candle looked green...was it even possible for someone to have green hair? Next to him(?) was a younger boy with long, messy black hair and tattered, dusty looking clothing. The two of them both sported nasty looking grins and lunged to grab the brothers.

Ed and Al both screamed as Ed dropped the candle, which was promptly put out by the woman's shoe to keep from burning the place. The green-haired person held up a familiar, rolled up piece of paper.

"I got the map!" smirked the green-haired person. Ed snarled furiously.

"Give that back!" he shouted, but the person just shoved him against a wall.

"BROTHER!" shouted Al.

"Be careful, Envy." said the woman, "We don't wanna wake the whole house."

They soon heard people screaming.

"I think it's too late for that..." smirked the spiky haired man.

"WINRY!" shouted Ed, recognizing one of the voices.

Descending the stairs was a woman with chestnut hair and dressed in a skirt suit. She had an exasperated expression on her face as she pulled Winry by the wrist down the stairs; Winry was screaming and struggling in the grip of this woman. An older looking gentleman followed, wearing a white shirt, blue trousers and black boots. He had black hair and a distinguished looking mustache, and there was a scabbard holstered to his waist. He was wearing an eyepatch over his left eye and holding a struggling Ling in his arms.

"Ed!" shouted Winry, "What's going on!?"

"Let me go!" shouted Ling, "Do you have any idea who you're dealing with!?"

Ed was soon grabbed by the person named "Envy" and struggled in his grip.

"Let go of my friends!" Ed shouted as the smaller boy restrained Al.

"This is such a pain," muttered the suited woman in an annoyed voice, "why do we have to go to the trouble of kidnapping the little brats anyway? Couldn't we just take the map and be done with it?"

"Captain's orders, Sloth," said the older man, grinning, "Get used to it."

"WHAT'S GOING ON HERE!"

They all turned to see Pinako, brandishing a musket. 

"Grandma!" shouted Winry, "Help us!"

Pinako pointed the musket at the curvy woman.

"Let my granddaughter and her friends go!"

"Lust," said Envy, "will you do the honors?"

"With pleasure." said the woman known as Lust.

Then, without warning, a set of massive claws extended from her gloves and with a single swipe, she chopped Pinako's musket to pieces.

"Unless you want to end up like your gun," sneered Lust, "I suggest you don't follow us."

"Grandma!" shouted Winry.

But Pinako was too shocked to say or do anything. The Elrics and their friends were soon being dragged out of the house. Snapping out of her shock, the old woman stood up and bolted out the door.  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
The kidnappers took the Elrics and their friends to a harbor outside of Resembool, wherein Ed saw an enormous pirate ship. It looked just like the pirate ships in the old stories he had read, but instead of a jolly roger, there was an insignia looking like a red serpent biting its tail printed on the main sail.

"Captain!" called out Envy, "We've caught them! And we have the map too!"

"Excellent!" called out an old woman's voice, "Board the ship!"

After boarding the ship, the pirates shoved the Elrics and their friends onto the floor. Winry immediately clung to Ed and Ling and Al both huddled up close to both of them. The pirates scattered as an elderly woman arrived, holding a candle.

She hardly looked like a force to be reckoned with. She was old, wrinkled and hunched over with age. She was wearing a yellow blouse and a long green skirt. She had a long purple shawl draped over her shoulders and short grey hair done up in a bun. But the smile on her face was far from that of a kindly old grandmother; it was a sneer, filled with malice and sinister intent.

"Hello, children," she said, softly, "welcome to the good ship Inferno. You can call me Captain Dante."

"That's hardly a warm welcome!" snarled Edward.

"Oh how cute," Dante cooed, "you thought we'd _give you_ a warm welcome."

"Why did you kidnap us?" asked Alphonse, "We have nothing to offer you."

"Oh, but you do!" said Dante, "Since you provided us with the map, you will have your reward! And that reward will be to serve us until we find the treasure."

"And what will you do when you find it?" growled Ling.

"Well, you won't be needed then," said Dante reaching down to draw a pistol and point it at his head, "and when that moment comes...BANG!"

Winry and Ling flinched. Both of the Elric brothers stared in shock. Dante and several of her crew members just laughed.

"I've been searching for this map for so long," continued Dante as she turned away from the group, "I had long forgotten where the treasure was..."

While Dante was talking, Ed noticed that Ling had one of hands behind his back and was moving it around. He then turned to Ed and whispered "Ed, I've carved a transmutation circle behind you with my knife. Use it."

Ed nodded and jumped up behind the circle, placing a hand on it. He conjured a large hand out of the wood and made the fingers enclose around Dante.

But Dante just smirked and turned around.

"Oh my," she said, "You are an alchemist...just like your father."

Ed looked at her in shock. She didn't seem at all phased and sure enough, she transmuted the hand into the floor herself.

"Did you honestly think you were the only one here who could use alchemy?"

Winry clung to Ed again and Ed held onto her protectively.

"Now I want you to get up," said Dante, "Lust, show our guests to their new bedroom."  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Somehow, Ed knew that when Dante said "bedroom" she meant something less fun.

She meant a really cramped looking room, (barely a room, even, more like a closet) with little more than a couple of cots, a candle that was currently out and a perch for a parrot, probably the fat ugly one perched on Lust's shoulder.

"You'll be staying here," said Lust, "I hope you're all as uncomfortable as possible."

Ed glared at her as Winry sat down on one of the cots. Alphonse sat on the other one and Ling and Ed sat on the floor. Lust allowed the parrot to sit upon the perch.

"Now remember," she said, "make as much noise as possible if they start acting suspicious and mimic anything suspicious they might say."

"Awwk! Lust," squawked the parrot, "can I eat them now?"

"Why yes, Gluttony," said Lust, taking out a bag that was hanging off of her waist, "you can have as much as you want."

She poured a bunch of red, lumpy looking fruits into her hand and handed them to the bird. The parrot, apparently named Gluttony, gobbled them down as fast as it could. She then left, slamming the door behind her, leaving them literally in the dark. Gluttony was still staring at them with his beady, white eyes. 

"I'm scared, Ed," Winry said quietly.

"I know, Winry," said Ed, placing a hand on hers, "I am too."

Ling was furious. He was gritting his teeth and had his hands balled up into fists. Alphonse just sat there quietly, looking down at the floor.

"What if we never get out?" he asked.

"We'll get through this," said Ed, "I know we will."

There was a scream outside, one that did not appear to come from any of the crew members. Winry and Al both looked scared and none of them wanted to go out to see what had happened.

_I know we will...I just know it..._

To be continued.


	2. Day One

"Winry..."

"Winry..."

"Winry...wake up..."

Winry Rockbell opened her eyes. She was back in her bedroom. Her grandmother was standing next to her bed, smiling at her. 

"G-Grandma?" asked Winry, bewildered.

"You've been out like a light all morning," chuckled Pinako, "Were you up all night or something?"

"I-I had the most awful dream! A bunch of pirates kidnapped me and Ed and Al and Ling and one of them had claws and--"

"Shh...It's alright Winry, calm down...everything's all right now...you're safe and so are the Elrics and the mayor's son."

Winry smiled and felt tears of joy.

"Oh grandma! I'm so happy to be home!"

"Yes, Winry. Now, there's one thing I want you to do."

"What, grandma?"

"I want you to WAKE UP! AWWK! WAKE UP! AWWK!"

Winry jolted awake in her uncomfortably hard and lumpy cot. She looked around at the small, wooden room and realized where she was.

"Oh," she said to herself, half saddened and half annoyed, " _That_ was the dream."

She turned to Gluttony, the fat, ugly green parrot perched nearby, shrieking loudly and squawking "AWWK! WAKE UP!" over and over again while flapping his large feathered wings. Winry had the strongest desire to throw a wrench at him, and she would have if she could.

She looked around to see that Ling was lying on the floor, curled up on his side and snoring loudly. On the other cot was Alphones, stirring somewhat and rubbing his tired eyes. But, to her surprise, she couldn't find Edward. She then heard a grumbling noise and turned to look next to her in the cot; sure enough, Edward Elric was lying next to her, his arms around her waist in an almost protective looking manner. Winry smiled and placed a hand on his shoulder, shaking him lightly to wake him. He stirred and opened his bright yellow eyes.

"Good morning, Ed." she said, in a sad tone of voice.

Ed looked up at her and rubbed his eyes with his fists. 

"Winry?"

"GOOD MORNING, INDENTURED SERVANTS!"

Ed immediately sat up and grabbed Winry's arm. Al sat up and Ling...kept sleeping. The man with the spiky black hair was standing in the doorway, flashing his sharp-toothed grin. Gluttony squawked loudly and angrily, screeching "GREED! AWWK! GREED!"

"Ah shut up, birdbrain." groaned the man, irritably. Gluttony flew out through the doorway. The man turned to the four teenagers and sneered. "Hey you guys!" Ed just glared at him. Winry and Al looked scared. Ling stirred and looked up at this man in alarm.

"What do _you_ want?" demanded Ed.

"Aww, c'mon," said the man in a teasing voice, "Is that any way to talk to the guy who's gonna give you the grand tour? The name's Greed." 

"Greed" held out a hand for Ed to shake. Ed just sneered back at him.

"Yeah right," he said, "what's your real name?"

"Don't remember," said Greed, "I've been on this crew for a long time, longer than I care to remember. C'mon."

Ed, Winry, Al and Ling stood up and (somewhat reluctantly) followed Greed outside. The sun was out and they were sailing upon the sea. Ed would have found the sight of the ship moving across the sea and all of that to be beautiful, but it got less so when he remembered that he, his brother and his two best friends had been kidnapped and were now miles away from home. He saw the members of the crew scattered throughout the ship, and Greed pointed to them as he introduced them.

"I believe you were already acquainted with Envy, Lust and Gluttony?" he said with a chuckle, "Envy and Lust have been here even longer than I have. Envy's a terrible fighter, but he's a master of disguise, so he does have an advantage of his own. And Lust is as deadly as she is sexy."

Ed glared at Envy, who was leaning against the side of the boat, staring out at the sea and looking bored. He now had confirmation that the pirate known as Envy was a boy, at least, but he still felt like he should be wary of him. Lust, meanwhile, was holding Gluttony on her hand and feeding him those weird, lumpy red fruits. Ed noticed that Ling was glaring at Gluttony in an almost jealous looking way. He remembered that Ling hadn't eaten yet. 

Greed continued, "We found Gluttony stealing our food while we were camping on an island and for some reason, Lust took a liking to him so, after some prodding, Captain Dante allowed her to keep him. The little brat is named Wrath, and his mom's name is Sloth, although I actually know their real names; Wrath's name is Christian Douglas and Sloth's is Juliet Douglas. They were living on the streets, doing what they needed to survive. Wrath was running around, stealing food and money for himself and Sloth. Sloth, meanwhile, was swindling people with her water-based alchemy. Wrath is only a kid, but he's tough and scrappy and he's an alchemist, just like you two. He's got a temper on him, too, which is why we call him Wrath. Sloth has the ability to control water with her alchemy, but she's really lazy and doesn't like working hard, which is why we call her Sloth."

Ed looked at Wrath, who was stalking a rat in an almost animal-like manner, and Sloth who was watching him with a bored expression on her face. There was something about Sloth that looked...familiar. But Ed couldn't put his finger on it.

"And lastly," said Greed, "the old guy's called Pride. He's Captain Dante's first mate and an arrogant jerk. Though he's also a big softy deep down; he has a wife and kid back home who he absolutely adores and he keeps saying he's gonna give them a cut of his share of the treasure. That said, he's really good at sword fighting, so don't cross him."

Ed looked at Pride, who was standing next to Captain Dante with a broad smile on his face. Greed just sneered nastily and chuckled.

"I don't like them any more than you do. Trust me." he said.

"Greed!" shouted Dante, "You aren't filling those children's heads with ideas, are you?"

"Nope," smirked Greed.

"You'd better not be," she said, darkly, "Now Yao, younger Elric, you two shall swab the deck."

She handed a mop and bucket to Al and Ling. Al sighed. Ling's stomach growled and he gave Ed a withering look. Dante pushed them both away and turned to Winry.

"Rockbell," she said, "You'll be helping Sloth in the galley."

Winry rolled her eyes and followed Sloth down into the galley. Ed glared up at Dante who sneered menacingly at him.

"So what do you plan on doing to me?" asked Ed, fearlessly. Dante pulled out the map and grinned.

"You'll be joining me in my quarters and telling me more about the treasure..."

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pinako Rockbell would not normally be asking for help from the Dogs of the Military, the State Alchemists, but after asking for help multiple times and being denied help each time, she found herself with no other option. 

She was currently seated across from three soldiers; a colonel with dark eyes and black hair, broad shoulders and an aloof demeanor, his lieutenant, a young woman with a stern, focused expression, blond hair tied into a ponytail and a pistol holstered to her side, and a major, a tall, muscular man with a single curl of blond hair and a prominent yellow mustache. He was the one currently sketching the kids and their kidnappers as she described them, and the sketches were so good that she couldn't help but compliment his work.

"Artistic talent has been passed down the Armstrong line for generations." he said proudly.

"So these are the people who took them?" asked the colonel in his deep, calm voice.

"Yes, sir," said Pinako, "I tried telling the police but they said they couldn't help."

"You came to the right place, then," said the colonel, "the military's more equipped to handle criminals of that stripe."

"So you'll be able to help me?"

The colonel stood up with a smile and said "My investigation team and I will have those kids back in no time."

"Thank you colonel." said Pinako, relieved.

"Please," said the colonel, "Call me Mustang."

He turned to his two comrades and said "Hawkeye, Armstrong, let's move out."

To be continued...


	3. Interrogations and Plans

Dante and Pride lead Edward into the captain's quarters. Dante sat in a desk and placed the map on it, while Pride poured tea in a cup for her. Dante pushed the map toward Ed, who glared at her.

"Read it." said Dante.

"Read what?" asked Ed.

"You know _exactly_ what," said Dante, taking a sip of her tea, "read the map."

"I understand _that_. I mean what _part_ of the map?"

"The whole map."

"Why can't you read it?"

"It's written in the ancient language of Xerxes, a city that vanished years ago. I couldn't read it even if I tried. It seems your father didn't want anyone else to know what the map said. However, I knew that Van Hohenheim of Light would not want the Xerxian language to die out. So he most likely would have taught it to someone he could trust...like his _sons_."

Edward was about to counter against her, but then he paused; he and Al were able to read the map despite the language. Their father had taught them a small number of Xerxian words and phrases before he left, and afterward their mother taught them some before she passed away. But they never knew it was a _lost_ language; Ed had always assumed that it was just another language to learn, like Xingese or Dachman, to make him better suited for the world around him and talk to people who are from other countries. He would often swear in Xerxian just because he could get away with it, what with nobody understanding him and all. But he had never known his parents' true intention, to revive a long lost language through their children, to make sure it never died.

He had to admit, it gave him a whole new appreciation for his father, even though he still hated him for leaving him, Al and their mother behind.

But he wasn't going to tell Dante this.

He knew what to do; keep dancing around the question, psyche her out. Keep her going in circles until she has nothing more to ask.

"Well," asked Dante, "won't you read it?"

"I don't know how," Ed lied.

"You're lying through your teeth," began Pride, but Dante held up a hand to silence him.

"Now, Edward," said Dante in a tone of marvelously fake kindness, "it is not polite to lie, especially in the presence of your elders."

"With all due respect, captain, I don't consider you two to be my elders."

"I understand," Dante said calmly, "it must be very hard to have to speak to authority figures you don't know."

Her lack of self-awareness was astonishing.

"But you can trust me," she continued, "I'm closer to you than you can ever imagine."

Ed really didn't like her tone when she said that; she sounded _too_ kind, and she didn't sound like she meant him specifically.

"How so?" Ed asked, dreading the answer.

"I knew your father," she said, "he and I were colleagues, we learned alchemy together and he told me about his treasure."

"If he trusted you that much," said Ed, "then why don't you already know about the treasure's location?"

"Evidently didn't trust me enough to tell me its actual location or its contents."

"Well maybe he saw through you. I bet he _hated_ you."

"You know nothing of me or your father, do you?" sneered Dante, "I'll have you know that your father and I were lovers."

Edward shuddered a bit at this revelation, but he remained undeterred. He smirked.

"Oh really? I had no idea my dad had such horrible taste in women. But then again, I guess he wised up eventually because he decided to dump you for my mom instead!"

Evidently, Edward had struck a sore nerve for Dante, because at that moment she had slapped him in the face with a look of deep fury and loathing in her eyes.

"You certainly have your father's wit you little _brat!_ " she spat furiously at him.

Edward rubbed his sore, stinging cheek and glared at her. Dante simply glared back at him, seething. Pride looked out the window and said, "Captain, I think that we should rap this up. It's getting late."

Dante sighed, and said "You're right. It's time for dinner anyway."

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The galley was incredibly cacophonous and chaotic as the entire pirate crew was busy eating or trying to eat. Envy and Wrath were screaming at each other and fighting over giant slabs of meat and deep fried, greasy foods. Lust was trying to separate them while Gluttony flew about, squawking loudly and shouting nonsense at random. Pride simply sipped on a cup of tea, ignoring them, while Greed sloshed down beer and laughed hysterically at his fellow crew members. Sloth lightly scolded Wrath a couple of times, but ended up falling asleep in her stew. Dante seemed almost entirely unfazed by all of it. It seemed this was just a common occurrence for them all.

The Elrics, Winry and Ling were seated at a different table. Theirs was a near perfect polar opposite to the crew's table; it was dead silent as Ed, Al and Winry quietly took spoonfuls of their stew into their mouths. Ling had been greedily gobbling down as much food as possible. Ed couldn't blame him; when he saw him again after leaving Dante's quarters, he looked ready to collapse. Al admitted that he wasn't sure how long he'd be able to hold out. 

Winry, meanwhile was very, very angry. She was glaring down at her stew and grumbling to herself.

"What's wrong, Winry?" asked Al.

"I slaved over a hot stove all day, by myself to make all of this food," Winry responded, "I was down here in this hot, stuffy galley for hours, cooking a full course meal for eleven people and a parrot, in a room that was constantly moving back and forth. And I had to do this with absolutely NO help from Sloth!"

She whipped her head around to glare at Sloth hatefully.

"She definitely lives up to her name," continued Winry, sounding really angry, "she wouldn't lift a finger to help me! Every single time I _asked_ her to help, she said stuff like 'oh you look like you have everything taken care of, I won't bother you'. The most she did was use her water alchemy to boil the water, THAT WAS IT. And then when I was done, she had the GALL to say 'thanks a lot for your help, kid, I've always wanted an _assistant_ down here'. GARBAGE! UTTER GARBAGE! She clearly wanted someone to do all the work _for_ her!"

Ed sighed and nodded in agreement. A rat suddenly crawled across their table, with Gluttony chasing after it. Winry screamed and Ling squirmed in disgust.

"This place is disgusting," said Alphonse, "We had to scrub the bathrooms after Ling made _one_ complaint about being hungry. We only did it because Envy threatened to give us forty lashes if we didn't."

Winry looked at Al in sympathy. Ed made a mental note to kill Envy if he could get the chance. 

Ling breathed heavily. He had just finished his food and smiled.

"I'm okay now," he said, "I'm full."

Ed, Winry and Al smiled at him.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Greed took Ed, Al, Ling and Winry back to their room, with Gluttony perched on his shoulder.

Ed sat down on the cot with Winry next to him. Al sat on the other cot and Ling sat down on the floor. Greed grinned and said "You guys comfy?"

"No." said Edward.

Greed smirked and turned to Gluttony.

"Gluttony, why don't you leave us alone for a while."

Gluttony squawked loudly. Greed glared at him.

"I said leave you stupid birdbrain!"

"AWWK! STUPID BIRDBRAIN! AWWK! STUPID BIRDBRAIN!"

Ed looked at Greed suspiciously. Greed just laughed.

"Leave him," he said, "If we're lucky he'll probably say that to Dante and she'll roast him. So you guys hate it here too, right?"

"What's it to you, Greed?" asked Ling.

"Hey, don't be like that!" said Greed, defensively, "You guys ought to be nice to me! After all, I'm the one who's gonna help you get outta this dump!"

"Wait, what?" asked Ed in shock.

To be continued...


End file.
